It seems as though I have recieved clothing for presents all my life that were too big. My intellect tells me that I should me grateful for the gifts. However, emotionally I react in different ways. When I was a child it was okay because I realized that I would "grow into" the clothes. However, now as an adult I continue to recieve such items.
I am starting to wonder if there is something else going on. Is my personality or persona I present to the world much bigger than I am? Do I seem bigger than I really am? Lately, I have been wondering what I am I pushing myself forward for? Do I need to improve this and that about myself? People say that self-development lasts your entire life. But, at what point do you stop making it a priority? When do you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor?
All the young people I know are preparing furiously for a tommorow; a tommorrow - where they have money, the right job, the right house or the right wife/husband.
What is wrong with dropping out? Of course dependance is not good. One has to support ones self. However, why not just make a little money and then have a good life. If there is anything that I want, it is this. I want to have people that I love around me, good food, music and nature. That is about it.
Why bother with spirtuality? If I had this....
IF IF IF IF IF IF
Could I already have this? No matter where I go. Fuck if I know. Maybe other peoples expectations of me have some how affected how I view myself. All this consideration...
There is something in this that I do not get. Why is my shirt too big? Who am I too be other than myself?